A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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