Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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