ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
