Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
false alarm. still invincible.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
