If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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