It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
