The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
