He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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