I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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