Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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