In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
