who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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