I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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