He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
