He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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