The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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