she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
