I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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