I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
