Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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