I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
