I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
where am i from again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
