DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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