Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
