i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize