Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did i walk over a car last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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