Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
