I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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