ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
