is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
