sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
