Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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