I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
