I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
