ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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