I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize