This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
