I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
