I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
