She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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