remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
