I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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