I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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