Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
