OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize