You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
