I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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