I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
