just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
