if you like me you must not know who I am
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
