do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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