Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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