nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
