the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
