My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
