nut hugger
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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