Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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