So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
