Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
