We're like a lot better than the average bears
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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