Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
