I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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