Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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