What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
