Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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