atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
