she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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