I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
