Screwed.edu
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
