I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
