I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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