He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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